People make time for the people they’re interested in and excuses for the people they’re not. Time is the currency of interest and the developer of the connection.

The time invested in the connection, in turn, increases the temperature of love in the relationship. You cannot build or sustain love without investing quality time in the relationship.

1. Don’t Ignore Messages

If you wouldn’t ignore someone sitting across from you while they’re talking, don’t do the digital equivalent in chat by reading their message and not replying.

Reasonable exceptions: If you know in advance that your replies will be slow, let your partner know beforehand. If something unexpected comes up, let them know as soon as you reasonably can.

2. Read receipts

Keeping read receipts enabled is simply good communication etiquette. It gives both the same basic transparency about whether a message has been seen and removes unnecessary ambiguity.

If either person no longer wants to communicate, they can say so, end the conversation, or block the other person. I prefer openness over deliberately hiding something as simple as whether a message was read.

3. Don’t Temporarily Leave the Conversation

If you wouldn’t silently put down the phone, disappear for 30 minutes, and come back with “as I was saying,” don’t do the digital equivalent in chat.

Reasonable exceptions: If something pulls you away, let the other person know beforehand if you can, or as soon as you reasonably can afterward.

4. Don’t Permanently Abandon the Conversation

If you wouldn’t suddenly hang up on your partner in the middle of a phone call without saying anything, don’t do the digital equivalent in chat.

Reasonable exceptions: If something pulls you away, let the other person know beforehand if you can, or as soon as you reasonably can afterward.

5. I’m Fake Busy

I’m busy” only means something when your actions support it.

If you have time to scroll through social media, watch cat videos, or waste an hour on things that don’t really matter, but you can’t find a few minutes for someone you say you’re interested in, then you’re not too busy. That person simply isn’t a priority.

When someone genuinely wants to get to know another person, they make room. They rearrange things, steal a few minutes wherever they can, and sometimes move heaven and earth to create the time.

Interest doesn’t magically create more hours in the day. It changes what you choose to do with the hours you already have.

6. I’m Really Busy

Sometimes I really am busy. Work piles up, the phone keeps ringing, the computer won’t stop demanding attention, and everything seems to happen at once.

But even in the middle of a crazy day, it still takes less than 15 seconds to send a simple, loving message. A quick “I’m swamped, but I love you and I’m thinking about you” can say a lot.

Real busyness may prevent a long conversation, but it should not prevent a small act of love. When someone truly matters, even a hectic day usually leaves room for 15 seconds seconds.

7. Eyedropper Relationships

I’m not interested in giving tiny drops of attention to ten different women at once.

If we’re both interested, I’d rather invest enough time and effort to actually discover whether there’s something real between us. An eyedropper may eventually fill a pool, but at that pace you never really get anywhere.

I don’t need a promise of a relationship. I do need enough consistent attention for the connection to have a fair chance to grow.

8. Chasing More Than One Woman at Once

ITrying to seriously get to know several women at the same time divides more than my time — it divides my attention.

Eventually I’m remembering who told me what, repeating questions, mixing up details, and never being fully present with anyone.

I’d rather get to know one woman properly than try to get to know ten and not really get to know none even partially at all. 😜

9. Asking What My Profile Already Answers

If you ask me a question that is clearly answered in my profile, it tells me you didn’t bother reading it or not really caring about what’s in it.

That’s a bit like standing in front of Trump Tower and asking, “What building is this?” The answer is right in front of you.

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When I decide that I genuinely want to get to know someone, I don’t do it halfway. I’m not expecting us to already be in a relationship — at this stage, it’s simply an interest, the prequel to a relationship. From now on, whenever you see the word interest, think of it as the stage before a relationship, a mutual connection we are both actively exploring.

What I do expect is a real commitment to exploring this interest daily, if not more often, with attention, communication, curiosity and effort from both sides. I would rather get to know each other openly, consistently and with some intensity than drag a superficial connection out for months.

Everything on this page should be read in that context. These are not rules designed to control you. They describe the standards I hold myself to, the behaviors I believe help an interest develop efficiently, and the things that interfere with that process. If we’re compatible, great — the interest can develop into something more. If we’re not, the sooner we discover that honestly and respectfully, the better for both of us to move on.

Communication ethics

1. Respecting the flow of a conversation

If you message me and I reply immediately, I consider that an active conversation. From that point, I am completely focused on you and replying almost immediately, as if we were on a phone or video call.

If for some reason I become busy and need to leave the conversation, I will let you know rather than simply leave you hanging. If something unavoidable prevents me from doing that, I will apologize for the interruption and explain what happened as soon as I reasonably can when I return.

2. Different situations naturally create different response times

Not every conversation will be completely live.

Sometimes I may still want to communicate with you while I am doing something else — cooking, cleaning, studying, working on a project, or taking care of something around the house.

During those times, my replies may be slower, but I am still actively communicating with you.

Whenever reasonably possible, I will let you know so that you understand why there may be delays.

3. When you message me while I am unavailable to reply

Sometimes you may send me a message while I am working, sleeping, driving, studying, or otherwise unable to reply right away.

If I read your message but can’t reply as carefully and attentively as I would like to, I will simply send you a heart so you know I saw your message, and as soon as I am free, I will message you back.

In either case, I will reply as soon as I reasonably can. I do not want you to interpret a delayed response as a lack of interest or consideration.

4. When I am visibly active online but have not engaged with you

Outside of work, responsibilities, and other necessary parts of everyday life, I believe the way I choose to spend my free time says something about my priorities towards you.

If I have time to scroll through social media, post statuses, watch videos, or casually interact online while I know that, if time allows, you would probably want to hear from me, I do not want my actions to suggest that those momentary distractions are more important to me then spending time with you.

There will obviously be times when I simply want to relax or do something mindless online, and I think that is perfectly normal. In that situation, I can simply acknowledge my mood, let you know that I’m thinking about you and I will message you later.

When you are available, I’d rather spend that time with you and save my mindless doom-scrolling for when you’re busy or unavailable.

If I regularly make time for social media while leaving the person I care about waiting, that would say a lot about where my priorities really were. My promise to you is that I will not behave like that as my priority is you.

5. Translation may naturally create delays

If we are communicating in different languages and translation is necessary, I may sometimes need additional time to translate a message, verify its meaning, or make sure that what I am sending expresses exactly what I intend.

If translation is not necessary because you are comfortable communicating in English, then obviously this does not apply.

6. Letting you know what kind of availability I have

The important thing to me is not whether every reply happens within a certain number of minutes.

I want you to understand what kind of situation I am in.

For example, I might tell you:

I’m doing some things around the house, so I still want to talk with you, but my replies may be slower.

Or:

I have to concentrate on something now, so I probably won’t be able to communicate regularly. I’ll get back to you when I can.

That simple information prevents unnecessary uncertainty.

7. Unavoidable interruptions happen

Sometimes something may suddenly require my immediate attention — an important phone call, someone needing help, work, driving, or another situation that cannot reasonably wait.

If that happens, I will let you know as soon as reasonably possible.

8. Some interruptions are completely outside my control

Internet service can fail. Electricity can go out. My phone can lose its connection or its battery can die.

Obviously, I cannot warn you about something I could not anticipate.

But when I return, I intend to acknowledge what happened and briefly explain the interruption.

9. Acknowledging an interrupted conversation when I return

To me, this is basic common courtesy.

If I were speaking with my mother on the telephone and the call suddenly disconnected because my battery died, I would not simply call her back later and continue as though nothing happened.

I would say something like:

Sorry, my battery died and I needed a few minutes to recharge it.

I believe the same consideration should apply to online communication, especially when two people are getting to know each other romantically.

10. Giving one woman at a time my full attention

When I decide that I genuinely want to explore a connection with you, I will stop looking for other possibilities and turn my dating profile off. That does not mean I am promising that the relationship will work or making a permanent commitment. It simply means that, while I am deciding whether this connection has real potential, I prefer to give it my full attention rather than continue looking around for someone else. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. I do not do things halfway when I decide to focus on someone.

If at some point I decide that the connection is not right for me, I will tell you honestly before I start looking elsewhere again.

11. I cannot always be continuously available

Obviously, I cannot be expected to be continuously available, even if I wanted to be.

I have a life, responsibilities, work, sleep, family, and unexpected situations.

What matters to me is not my constant availability. What matters is consideration for your time and expectations.

Whenever reasonably possible, I want you to understand whether I am available for an active conversation, replying more slowly because I am busy, or unable to communicate for a while.

12. Honesty is more important than pretending everything is fine

If I am busy, I would rather tell you that I am busy.

If something bothers me, I would rather discuss it respectfully than allow resentment or assumptions to build.

If I misunderstand something, I would rather ask you than invent an explanation in my head.

I want my communication with you to be honest and sincere, even when the subject is uncomfortable.

Online dating pet peeves

1. Ignoring Messages

When I’m interested in someone, I read what she sends me, answer her questions, acknowledge what she shares, and make an effort to respond thoughtfully. I don’t expect instant replies or constant availability, but I do expect the same attention and effort in return.

Ignoring someone’s messages feels like sitting across from them in a coffee shop while they’re speaking and looking at your phone instead of listening. To me, that is simply disrespectful.

If we both say we’re interested, then our communication should reflect that. I will give you my attention, respect and effort, and I expect the same in return.

2. Eyedropper Relationships

I’m not interested in giving tiny drops of attention to ten different women just to figure out which one might be right for me.

If we’re both interested, I’d rather invest enough time and effort daily to actually find out whether we’re compatible. If we are, great — keep going. If we’re not, let’s discover that quickly and respectfully part ways.

An eyedropper relationship feels like trying fill the kiddy pools of 10 women with an eyedropper all at once. Technically, progress is being made, but at that pace you never really get anywhere.

I don’t need a promise of a relationship. I do expect an interest and a real commitment to the process of getting to know each other daily if not more.

3. Chasing More Than One Woman at Once

I don’t expect exclusivity from the first hello. But if we decide we want to start an interest and want to explore it seriously, I believe the connection deserves daily focus to actually find out quickly and efficiently what is there.

If I am exploring ten potential relationships at the same time, it’s hardly surprising if each person receives only an eyedropper’s worth of my attention. Not to mention keeping all the different personal information straight from one woman to the next!!!!

I would rather focus properly on one promising connection, get to know her with some intensity, and find out whether it works. If it doesn’t, we respectfully part ways and move on.

I can try to chase ten women at once, but I probably won’t catch any of them. 😜

4. Asking What My Profile Already Answers

If you ask me a question that is clearly answered in my profile, it tells me you didn’t bother reading it or not really caring about what’s in it.

That’s a bit like standing in front of Trump Tower and asking, “What building is this?” The answer is right in front of you.